i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
