i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
