Already got asked if we're dating
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Randomize
