Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
