yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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