You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
