This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
