How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
