I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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