Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
