i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
