walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
