You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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