Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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