I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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