The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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