I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
