Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize