I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
