So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
