We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
high people should be assigned attendants
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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