You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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