you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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