We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
