I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
my poor anus
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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