You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
