he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize