I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize