i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
