I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
