I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
