Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
