Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
