i barfeds in our rink
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
