Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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