My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just found puke in my bra..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
