He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize