cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize