JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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