the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
