I will die if light touches me.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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