singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
