I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
