How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize