I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
