Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
