i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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