It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
