I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
