So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
