You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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