my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
