They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
