I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
