i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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