I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
