thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
