I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
did you just send me my own nude
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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