But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize