just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
They took my balls.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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