Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
