I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
