you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
