my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
