just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
