She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
