My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
