I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
