oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
