they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
