Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
