we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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