Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
