We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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