with your own penis?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
