You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So apparently I’m into choking now
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
