Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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