i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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