Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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