great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
